I feel that my life changes so much every day… sometimes more than I like. I wanted to be a steady soul but the life is always moving me from one side to another. Yesterday I was in NYC… and I loved it, or at least I think I did. But it was so shocking all the colors, all the odors, all the people, all so fast, like a dream when you don’t remember how you got some place but you are there, and suddenly you are in another place completely different. From green trees, to a street with colorful announcements, to a bakery with announcements in Chinese. First I was touching a dinosaur and in the next minute my fingers were walking down electrical stairs. From hotness of the street, to rain, to wind, from hot the metro, to a cold museum. One week ago I was in Mex, it was the same from cold airport to warm people, it was the same in Paris, Germany, it was the same in Madrid, in two weeks I expect to be in Chicago in one month in Venice. I’m not complaining it’s kind of cool. But it distorts a little the reality in my head, many beds, many pillows; none is mine all that is mine comes in small travel size. I should not complain, I should not complain, maybe I’m searching for something I will never find. I’m so inexpressive most of the time about the wonders I see. I feel like life is passing through me and I don’t feel it. All it’s like a dream… what I got from all these movement… so far I feel nothing. Why I’m so dramatic about it… it was just a dream. But I’m a human usually I desire more and more, and I’m also whimsical. Twice I have dreamt I died. Every time was a different situation but always someone shoot me and I fell in the ground and someone held me. I said “tell him I loved him”. The person was different in each dream, and the sensation was I was like watching everything from outside like I was the public and my life was a movie. Sometimes I’m awake and I feel the same. I prefer not to laugh if I don’t find it funny, than laugh just to appear happy. I’m not trying to be dramatic. I’m just trying to figure out what it feels so strange.
Surrealistic
